For Cheaters Only: How to Get Over Your Affair
For Cheaters Only: How to Get Over Your AffairAuthor: Doug SteponinI love my wife and I want my mistress. Does that sound disgusting, familiar, or odd? My affair wasn’t planned, of course. Like all relationships, this one was a slippery slope (in more ways than one) that spun out of control for over 3 years. I was taking a “vacation” from my commitments, responsibilities and values for a number of reasons. Like many people who have been through this, I had justified my behavior because I wasn’t happy at home, but didn’t feel it was right to divorce because of the children. Victims of affairs read those words and call me a coward.
I totally agree. However, historically speaking, my brain, my testosterone and my heart are not so far off the mark. Marriage has traditionally been an institution to sustain families, money, and land ownership. Love was never a reason to get married. Society has changed that framework for most of Western civilization. Some of us have had a hard time catching up. After I ended my affair (for the 5th time) I knew that my life had changed and it was time to truly come clean and be clear with my commitments to my wife and my family. I was fortunate at the time, because my wife took partial responsibility for our disintegration of communication and connection between us. We both knew I was the one that had betrayed her, but we were both responsible for the root cause of the situation.
Lack of deep, thoughtful, non-judgmental communication.
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